by Diana Julien I don't know what words to put together to describe the puzzle I'm currently solving in my head. And even though I know how the puzzle completes, and I know what the puzzle is, it's still hard to grasp the thought of it. Because I know when this puzzle is finally done, when I finally solve the puzzle in my head what answer it will give me. And though there's a part of me that has gained peace, there's also a part of me that can't grasp the thought of never seeing you again. So here I lie in this limbo. This limbo of peace, this limbo of knowing you have suffered. The limbo of knowing you have not been living just surviving. The limbo of knowing that very soon, if not already, you'll be somewhere new. And for some reason, I can't grasp it, even though my mind completely understands what is going on. Even though my mind knows there's not much we can do.